The Letter Project: #4

Hey,

It has been almost a week now of whiling away time by sleeping till 2'o clock in the afternoon, mindlessly going about the day, and binge-watching Baby Daddy. I had chanced upon a terrific internship at a supposedly good-named firm, but I did not show up on my first day, thereby, sabotaging the only plan which seemed to be actually materializing. I am constantly thinking, day-in and day-out, about how I am ruining my career, that how I am mediocre and not the excelling all-rounder I thought I was. The fact that I am not a Ravenclaw but a Hufflepuff.

I am running away from responsibilities. I don't know, I just don't want them now. It feels too forceful and burdening. I should have had graduated from University this year, but I am still stuck in a lack-lustre degree course (which isn't really teaching me anything). My former batch-mates have got jobs in multi-nationals. They are finally earning their own money. And here I am, still living off my parents.

I am clueless about what I want to do. I think of being a social entrepreneur, but I am blank and do not know how I can translate people's problems and come up with viable solutions. Getting a job would be easier, but then, I know I am not suited for the corporate rut.

I am lost...

-The Perplexed Stormbringer

The Letter Project: #3

Hey,

Trying to writing everyday is not as easy as it sounds, on top of that, getting back to writing after a huge hiatus is equally (if not more) difficult. You must have guessed it already from this lengthy absence that writing wasn't something that I had been doing, since, past few months. The leave did not stem from the fact that I did not have thoughts to pen down; on the contrary, the leave arose because I could not write. Now there were many factors contributing to my pesky issue, the most concerning one being 'Chronic Fatigue'.

What I did not realize, at this very time in the previous year, was that I was not facing just a burn out, but something even monstrous which goes by the name of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Maybe it was it, maybe my burn out culminated into it; I am not quite sure about it. But, after noticing an alarming drop in my general academic performance (after a horrendous and utterly disorganized Semester) and perpetually low energy levels, a quick Google search paired with remainder tid-bits of High School Biology helped me diagnose the issue.

I am not depressed. I certainly do not lack direction. In fact, I have so many things I want to do, circling my head all the time. Someday, I wake up feeling that Financial World is my calling, but someday, I feel I am here to make a difference. It is so confusing, especially, when you are a student who is graduating from College in the next academic year, having already taken a gap year. It is, plainly put, a whirlwind!

The key, I have discovered, is to simply keep doing things; one task at a time. I have lots of ambitions and I am surely not the kind who goes with 'or' story. Maybe I can be a Financial maverick and maybe I can change the world for good. Who knows? One thing I definitely know is that sitting here merely pondering is not going to help me achieve my ambitions. I need to take some steps, even if they are little baby steps.

And now you know how I pushed myself into writing this letter. Truth be told, I had totally forgotten about this project. It was this mindless recollection of ideas which I had conjured in the past year that brought this project to the fore. Anyway, the only take-away from this wordy saga is that one must never stop; stagnation is a person's worst enemy.

So this was today's letter, after almost eons. I might write soon, I might not; so do not keep your hopes high. I am promising you this uncertainty, not because I am afraid I might relapse, but because there are so many ideas in my head which needs urgent execution from my end. After all, stagnation is a person's worst enemy.

-The Perplexed Stormbringer    

The Letter Project: #2

Hey,

You know, there are these moments of sheer joy, moments which are filled with pure happiness. Such moments knock at your door unexpectedly and immerse you within themselves. You forget that nagging hardship which refuses to budge and all that your face comes to reflect is a radiant 40-watt smile, stretching from one side of your face to another. Truth be told, in the past two years, I clearly remember just two of such moments; first of which happened a year ago and the second, yesterday.

About a year ago, I was trying to cope up with the massive change in my life. Although it was more of an emancipation from the course I hated pursuing, the guilt of wasting a year was growing day by day. On top of that, the thought of having to spend three years with new peers, who nowhere came around the intellectual superiority I was seeking, was right away depressing. Amidst that scenario, I bumped into the person for whom I had been pining for every day since the point in time it was obvious that we had gone on separate paths. It was then; I forgot all my depressing thoughts and beamed merely at that person's existence absolutely next to me.

Yesterday, while I was mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed, I came across a link mentioning Bruce Dickinson as a speaker at one of the Blogger conference. At first, I was in a disbelieve, yet I click that link only to find out that it was indeed true! I was, seriously, jumping with joy!

Today, I ended up comparing these moments to the one in which I discovered that I cleared my intermediate levels. Somehow, I wasn't just as happy, instead, I felt a vague sense of relief. Hence, I have come around this school of thinking that; pure happiness is experiences, when something you really want happens unexpectedly, but again, that something should be the one you harbour no hopes for. I know, it sounds complicated, but my experiences are a proof which testifies my insight.

In other news, as I pointed out in the last paragraph, I cleared my intermediate levels! I have finally gotten unstuck from the rut I felt I was trapped in since past two years. The time to stock up on formal clothing has befallen upon me, and I cannot be anything less than excited! In yet another news, I did not like Strange Pilgrims, the book I had discussed at length in my previous letter. I managed to push myself to finish the half of it, only to abandon it on chancing upon Train To Pakistan by Khushwant Singh. I completed Train To Pakistan today, and honestly, it is a splendid read and I did not see that climax coming! I urge you to read it, and more so, if the partition saga manages to boil your blood, like mine.

So, I think I shall end this letter here. I know I promised regular letters, but somehow, I cannot catch the train of my thoughts daily and end up with a blank slate when I sit down to type the letter out. It is frustrating and makes me doubt whether I still possess my literary prowess, sometimes. Anyway, I better save all this for the next.

-The Perplexed Stormbringer.

The Letter Project: #1

Hey, hi.

Well, I do not know how to start so let's just begin with the fact that this is a new project that I have kicked off finally, after weeks of procrastination. What project, you'd ask? See, basically, I thought of writing a letter everyday, not really addressed to anyone in particular, merely pouring out whatever comes to mind at the end of the day. I know it sounds weird, but isn't it fascinating to discover how the person turned up to be the person he or she is today? I mean, just think about it, like say 20 years from now I might end up being a different person altogether from what I am today; with different believes, with different ideas and with different approach to things. And as they say, 'Nature changes gradually'. Hence, I firmly am of the opinion that over a period of time, reading these letters will provide an insight into how I came to be. Originally I planned on writing these letters on paper and not typing them out anonymously on a blog, but the thing is I am unsure how private I will be able to keep these letters.

Anyway, I am lost actually. There are so many things going in my mind right now but somehow I am not able to type them out, I mean, when I think, things just flow; ideas which are not even remotely connected to each other just flourish out of nowhere. By the way, talking about 'flow', I finally pushed myself to pick up and read Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I remember, how I came to know of him through a tribute paid to him, on his death, by Jhumpa Lahiri. If you do not know already, Jhumpa is my favourite author and I make it a point that this does not remain a secret. I mean, I love the way she writes. The words and sentences ooze simplicity, yet the way they weave a deep narrative is phenomenal. So yeah, it was through her tribute I register an author named "Gabriel Garcia Marquez" in my head and also the fact that his short stories are the real deal. 

I picked up this copy of Strange Pilgrims. What drew me towards this particular work, you would ask? Well, although "Love In The Time Of Cholera" and "A Hundred Years Of Solitude" are touted to be his best works, they are vast! I am not really scared of the volume, but scared by the fact that in case his writing style goes bouncer on me, these two great stories won't leave the impact that I desire. Also, as I told you about how I made a note of the brilliance of his short stories, it was natural that I would gravitate towards them. Browsing through Flipkart, Strange Pilgrims just struck the chord. Yes, that is how I zero down on my reads; I buy or borrow whichever title and teaser (the little summary on back of the book; I don't know the actual term for it) manages to tempt my imagination.

Basically, I had tried reading this book as soon as I bought it, but honestly, it didn't really strike a chord at that point. The word play seemed too forced and the narrative bland. Thus, I did not manage to go beyond ten pages. Today, after a month of thinking about South America (its colonial history, the indigenous people, Che's road trip, the modern day culture and the economy) I made up my mind to try reading it once again. This time, I feel I wouldn't be disappointed because I am getting his style of writing now, which is very smooth. The transitions in the story are so effortless and beautiful that it is really hard to break-free from the story. In the first short story, titled "Bon Voyage, President", the 'awaiting for death' part really piqued up my sentiments. I am trying to picture how after a lifetime, the lifetime doesn't quite matters. Reliving past glories, evaluating former relationships and counting last breaths is all that a normal day comprises of. This reminds me of the book "The Sense Of An Ending" by Julian Barnes which explores the past dug out by the retired protagonist, Tony Webber. 

Anyway, the letter has gotten too long and literature-centred, right? I do intend for the letters to be the former but not the latter. I mean, I do not read literature all the time, in the first place! On the flip-side, I do like stories and more so, picturising them in my head. Did I tell you about the countless thoughts that take shape and come alive every other moment in the form of tales in my imagination? Oh wait, some of them are visions of future and replay of past scenes too. Isn't it funny how the past and future both seem to blend into the present, shaping up this moment's experience? Too deep, I know. Thank your stars that I need to sign off this letter now, nevertheless, tomorrow's shall await you. 

-The Perplexed Stormbringer.